Light as Air

daydreamThe freedom revealed in moments of clarity are fleeting. I know that as soon as I find that moment of peace free of the lists and the responsibilities of my transition, I will begin to worry. Why is it that insecurity stalks our peaceful moments and leaves us breathless in fear? I sometimes imagine that my happy thoughts and daydreams are frostbitten waiting on a change to take me on a vacation. They are packed and ready for the sunny beach bungalows filled with books, friends, wine, and cheese. Every now and then, they send me little snippets of the happy daydreams to keep me feeling light as air. And I embrace them like a deserted soul grasping for mercy. Even the smallest of the memories, and dream, and moments are enough to inspire me to seek clarity’s freedom.
Today, I am as light as air. I know the moments are fleeting, but I don’t mind. What is life if it isn’t living for the next? What is today if we aren’t trying to make tomorrow better? My daydreams and happy moments are motivators. As long as I am light as air, I can stay above the fray that consumes so many of our dreams. What is it that you want more than anything? Does it benefit anyone besides you? Will it hurt anyone for you to have it? Take stock of your purpose, influence, and responsibilities to society. Dream in peace and never stop seeking the clarity that makes you light as air. Freedom is forgiving and fruitful; share it with the world.

Adrift

The Farce of Contemporary Hip-Hop

Contemporary hip-hop is as fake as a square two-cent penny and everyone is trying to spend that crap on a Furby. I don’t listen to the radio anymore. I hate hearing the lyrics so simple, vulgar, and pointless that either have the words are censored or a two-year old can sing the entire song like repeating a presidential list of Fry words. Don’t get me wrong. I know that music evolves and there are some great artists out there repping the craft; but, what happened to the real backbone of hip-hop? What happened to relevance and feeling?  What happened to relating to life and not expecting drug money glamour and shiny plastic round bottoms?  None of that is for me.  Most of us are everyday people who are cool like that, right? I miss the golden age of hip-hop. I guess that’s why I love the movie, Brown Sugar, so much.  A love letter to hip hop.  Now, it’s more like a Dear John.

I wrote a poem about it on my other blog.  Here’s the link.  And you thought you knew

Farce

Posted in Musings, Personal, Post a Day

A new beginning

1200px-The_great_dividing_range.jpgBeginnings are frightening.  Gloriously, joyfully, frightening. A little over a week ago, I wrote about how hope is temporary. (Link posted below.)
Well, here’s an update. I have my new beginning. I am venturing out into the great unknown. I am at the precipice of one path and preparing to jump the Great Divide. I should be more afraid. It would be smart to be more afraid. Because, fear is a great teacher. It makes you cautious of the unknown and attentive to your ignorance. I am new in my new beginning. Things of the past are merely pebbles in the fish tank and I am jumping into the ocean.
Hope fails if temporary. My hope, however, was eternal and invested in a higher power. My now and His Now aren’t always aligned. My now is driven by my ambition and desires; His Now is the only When. I am grateful for the opportunity before me and even more grateful for the ones I have had. So, here at this precipice, I’m not afraid of the height or the distance I must leap. I’m just going to enjoy the view.

Worth the read: Hope fails if temporary
Precipice

Posted in Musings, Personal, Post a Day

Writing Calms the Qualm

Soufflé.JPGSometimes I want to just be free of responsibilities, duties, obligations, and worries. I want to feel light and airy, I want to be a souffle. I want to rise every day and be free to meditate, simmer and stew in my own thoughts and daydreams. I get my best ideas from my daydreams. Remember that post about my dream Saturday? I want to make that happen.
I feel horrible for wanting to be selfish for just a little while. It seems as if so much depends on my attention and so many people need me for my various abilities, that I sometimes forget to be important to myself. Don’t get me wrong. I love all the extra responsibilities that I have and the volunteering that I do. All of it comes from my heart. What I don’t like is being required or requested to do things that can be handled by someone else. What I don’t like is being asked to do something that someone else was just too lazy to do. What I don’t like is being asked my opinion on something as if it will matter, when said person is just going to continue as is!
I have anxiety. I wish to be calm and I want to willingly let go of things outside of my control. But just like many people who I know, I worry about money and work and my students and my parents and one million other things that invade my mind like parasites. I know that I suffer from it because of the early morning fretting and the constant worry about things that I can’t control. My anxiety does not allow me to be calm unless I am writing or thinking about food. Even when I am writing, I worry about what people will say about me, my thoughts, and those words that escape.  That’s the qualm before the calm. One day, I will tell all of my worries and restraints, “que sera sera” and they will wait outside my Saturday room while I escape, write, and read. Maybe they will get tired of waiting and stalking me. Maybe they will pack up their bags and leave me for a local politician some distance away. Maybe they won’t be waiting for me like they are every morning at 3:30.

Qualm